One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock mock
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock mock
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock mock
We're gonna mock around the clock tonight!
The Super Bowl is over. The Refs I mean Rams won it all. Congrats to Cooper Kupp who continues to be an inspiration to all former white wide receivers everywhere. Uncle Rico would be proud.
Without further ado...
ROUND 1... FIGHT!
Jacksonville Jaguars - Evan Neal, OT, Alabama
Jags use the first overall pick on the top tackle on the board and put up a 6 foot 7 350 pound wall to protect Trevor Lawrence's blind side.
Detroit Lions - Aidan Hutchinson, DE, Michigan
Lions keep Hutchinson in state and improve their defensive line with the next version of JJ/TJ Watt.
Houston Texans - Matt Corral, QB, Ole Miss
Texans put an end to the Davis Mills experiment and tag Corral as the man to help the city of Houston forget about Deshaun Watson.
New York Jets - Kayvon Thibodeaux, DE, Oregon
Thibodeaux slips into the Jets lap at four which is a perfect fit for the biggest bust of the year candidate.
New York Giants - Derek Stingley, CB, LSU
Giants use the first of their two top ten picks on the top player on the board, talented cornerback Derek Stingley from LSU.
Carolina Panthers - Kenny Pickett, QB, Pitt
Matt Rhule supposedly recruited Kenny Pickett to Temple which means he has to pick him at sixth overall in this draft. Or he can try Cam Newton again next season.
New York Giants (via CHI) - Ikem Ekwonu, OT, NC State
Giants fans breathe a sigh of relief as they get the offensive tackle that they desperately need.
Atlanta Falcons - George Karlaftis, DE, Purdue
The Greak Freak is a candidate for most underrated prospect with all the makings of a highly productive NFL defensive end.
Denver Broncos - Tyler Linderbaum, C, Iowa
Elway knows the value of a trusty center and decides to bring Linderbaum, Linderbaum, Linderbaum aboard to anchor his OLine.
New York Jets (via SEA) - Ahmad "Sauce" Gardner, CB, Cincinnati
Jets grab a big corner to play opposite Bryce Hall and take two talented defensive players to start their busy day.
Washington Commanders - Charles Cross, OT, Mississippi State
The Commies wanted a quarterback but decide to add depth to the most important position group in football rather than reach on a guy they don't love.
Pittsburgh Steelers (via MIN) - Malik Willis, QB, Liberty
TRADE!!! Minnesota sends Pittsburgh the 12th overall pick in exchange for the 20th and Pittsburgh's 2023 2nd round pick. With the 12th overall pick, the Steelers take their quarterback of the future, the Bizarro World Lamar Jackson.
Cleveland Browns - Jordan Davis, NT, Georgia
The big fella if there ever was one, Jordan Davis brings all 6 foot 6 340 pounds of himself to Cleveland to plug the middle and give Myles Garrett that much more freedom to become the best pass rusher in the league.
Baltimore Ravens - Kyle Hamilton, S, Notre Dame
Baltimore can't help but jump on the 6 foot 4 hard hitting ball hawk to bring another element of superstardom to their defense.
Philadelphia Eagles (via MIA) - Nakobe Dean, LB, Georgia
Eagles need help in almost every area and taking the nation's top middle linebacker is a good start to revamping the defensive unit.
Philadelphia Eagles (via IND) - Travon Walker, DE, Georgia
Eagles improve their pass rush with the top pass rusher from the nation's top defense. Howie Roseman unites former Bulldog teammates Walker and Dean and the Eagles defense takes leaps and bounds forward in the span of 10 minutes.
Los Angeles Chargers - Jameson Williams, WR, Alabama
Chargers add to an area they are already strong at, but by pairing the speed of Jameson Williams with the arm of Justin Herbert, LA becomes the younger version of the KC Chiefs.
New Orleans Saints - Carson Strong, QB, Nevada
If the Saints don't get a quarterback it will be hard to have any optimism going into this season.
Philadelphia Eagles - Garrett Wilson, WR, Ohio State
After going defense-defense, the Eagles give Hurts a weapon opposite Devonta Smith that he can trust to get open with exceptional route running and make catches in traffic with superb hands.
Minnesota Vikings - Chris Olave, WR, Ohio State
Olave is smooth like buttah and the last time the vikings took a receiver in the first round after the eagles took a receiver in the first round it worked out very well for the Minnesotans. I'm saving Sam Howell to become the Kirk Cousins replacement for the second round.
New England Patriots - David Ojabo, DE, Michigan
A very Patriots pick.
Las Vegas Raiders - Treylon Burks, WR, Arkansas
You're either all in or all out on Treylon Burks and I think the Raiders are all in on this prospect whose athleticism has no ceiling.
Arizona Cardinals - Trent McDuffie, CB, Washington
Arizona is practically a Washington U graduate team or at least will be now that McDuffie and Budda this bread Baker are playing on it.
Dallas Cowboys - Lewis Cine, S, Georgia
Lewis Cine is a safety who plays with swagger and is used to winning. Cowboys need this kind of player on the backend who can add to their big play ability.
Buffalo Bills - Christian Harris, LB, Alabama
A lot of people think Damone Clark and Devin Lloyd are better prospects than Christian Harris, but the Bills should upgrade from Matt Milano with someone. It could be considered a coin flip between the three. I think Harris is the best option plus when in doubt go with the Bama guy.
Tennessee Titans - Jermaine Johnson, DE, Florida State
Johnson was an elite pass rusher for Georgia before transferring to Florida State to avoid being in a rotation of other elite pass rushers at Georgia. He picked up 12 sacks for the Noles and will join an already solid pass rush rotation in Nashville.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Kaiir Elam, CB, Florida
Bucs don't replace Brady in the first round. They go with a Florida native to bolster their weak secondary.
Green Bay Packers - Drake London, WR, USC
Green Bay goes wideout in the first round as a final f-you to Aaron Rodgers as he says his goodbyes. London had 88 and 1,084 yards in only 8 games for the Trojans last season.
Miami Dolphins (via SF) - Trevor Penning, OT, Northern Iowa
Miami protects Tua with the big 6 foot 7 Penning who will step in as the likely day 1 starter at right tackle.
Kansas City Chiefs - Daxton Hill, CB/S, Michigan
The former 5-start recruit can play both safety and corner for the Chiefs who could use the depth. For Christ's Sake will Kansas City finally replace Daniel Sorenson?
Cincinnati Bengals - Kenyon Green, OT/G, Texas A&M
It will be to a chorus of Boos if Cincy goes anywhere but offensive line with this pick. And maybe every pick they have in this draft. After a miraculous season resulting in a Super Bowl loss that can be 90% attributed to the faults of their offensive line, the Bengals will look to the athletic and position-flexible Kenyon Green to make an immediate impact.
Detroit Lions (via LAR) - Roger McCreary, CB, Auburn
Detroit uses a pick they got in the Stafford trade on ballhawking yet undersized defensive back Roger McCreary out of Auburn. McCreary covers the slot well and will look to create a formidable duo in the secondary for Detroit alongside former top-5 pick Jeff Okudah.
And that's all she wrote.
Or is it?!!
BONUS RD 2 PICKS!
Jags - Devin Lloyd, LB, Utah
Lions - David Bell, WR, Purdue
Jets - Bernhard Raimann, OT, Central Michigan
Giants - Damone Clark, LB, LSU
Alright that's enough.