Draft Day 2026

Hello to all you NFL fans. It's time to wake up from your hibernation between the Superbowl and the Draft. And for those of you who have stayed awake, I've got you covered on all the sleepers (round 1 only).

The draft isn't for everyone. I have heard several people say that they are sick of hearing about the draft and wish "big media" would cover actual sporting events that are happening, like the NBA or NHL playoffs. To that I say, ha! loser! The draft rules! Football rules! America!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now let's ruin the surprise and reveal how each team will be drafting tonight. Remember. Vontae Mack. No Matter What. Jennifer Garner knows ball. And I want David frickin Putney because I feel like it.

Round 1... Fight!

1. Las Vegas Raiders: Fernando Mendoza - QB - Indiana

Everyone's favorite Linkedin member goes first and becomes BFFs with Kirk Cousins. I can't wait to see the Step Brothers memes.

2. New York Jets: David Bailey - DE - Texas Tech

The Jets snag an edge rusher to replace the handful they lost this offseason. Bailey sacked the quarterback 14 and one-heif times last year and recorded 9 tackles and a sack in his lone college football playoff game.

3. Arizona Cardinals: Caleb Downs - S - Ohio State

Cardinals grab a player who in some circles is known as the top ranked prospect. Pairing Downs with Budda Baker makes for an exciting combo in Arizona.

4. Tennessee Titans: Carnell Tate - WR - Ohio State

I don't see how the Titans can pass on giving Cam Ward a legit option at wide receiver. Most mocks won't give you this type of insight. But I will.

5. New York Giants: Sonny Styles - LB - Ohio State

Three straight picks from Ohio State?! Is that possible?!

6. Cleveland Browns: Arvell Reese - LB - Ohio State

Four straight picks from Ohio State! Wow!

7. Minnesota Vikings: Jeremiyah Love - RB - Notre Dame

Trade!!! The Commanders trade pick no. 7 to the Vikings for picks no. 18, 82, and a 2027 2nd round pick. With this pick, the Vikings draft a player they hope will remind fans of a fella named Adrian Peterson.

8. New Orleans Saints: Mansoor Delane - CB - LSU

Saints stay in state to take the top ranked cornerback, a position of need.

9. Kansas City Chiefs: Ruben Bain Jr. - DE - Miami

Kansas City drafts for talent ahead of positional need and picks up a dangerously powerful defensive end from Miami. Bane masks go on sale immediately for $29.99 plus tax on the Chiefs website.

10. New York Giants: Jordan Tyson - WR - Arizona State

The Giants trade with Cincy (Dexter Lawrence for pick 10) nets them an ultra talented wideout from ASU, who if not for his injury concerns would likely have been the first wide receiver off the board.

11. Miami Dolphins: Francis Mauigoa - OT - Miami

Cow and chicken use whale and dolphin as scape goat?! (F#ck You Whale,Dolphin,Cow And Chicken !) Mauigoa stays home in Miami and Malik Willis gets some protection. What's the o/u on Willis getting injured this year? Mark me down for week 6 in the pool.

12. Dallas Cowboys: Jermod McCoy - CB - Tennessee

The Last McCoy heads to Dallas. I like this pick.

13. Los Angeles Rams: Spencer Fano - OT - Utah

I waffled on this pick a couple of times. I'm now ready to commit to my girlfriend Spencer Fano with the thirteenth pick to the Rams.

14. Baltimore Ravens: CJ Allen - LB - Georgia

CJ Allen seems like a Raven. Or a Buc. If he doesn't go to the Ravens, he's going to the Bucs.

15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Aveion Terrell - CB - Clemson

Speaking of the Bucs. They could use some help in the secondary and Aveion Terrell is ready to prove that younger brothers can beat their older brothers down cherry hill, one time.

16. New York Jets: Olaivavega Ioane - OG - Penn State

Jets use their second pick in the first round to beef up the offensive line and replace Alijah Vera Tucker.

17. Detroit Lions: Akheem Mesidor - DE - Miami

Miami's second defensive end, the more productive one in terms of sacks in 2025, goes in the middle of the round to Detroit. Dan Campbell smiles.

18. Washington Commanders: Dillon Thieneman - S - Oregon

The Commanders use the pick they received from Minnesota (Joe Biden Screaming “MINNESOTA”) to select a player that many think the Vikings are going to take anyway at number 18. How do you pronounce Thieneman? Is it like Tiananmen Square? Or like Thin Mints?

19. Carolina Panthers: Kenyon Sadiq - TE - Oregon

Kenyon, you Sadiqstic bastard, you. High ceiling for the Panthers and possibly the next Kyle Pitts of fantasy football.

20. Dallas Cowboys: Monroe Freeling - OT - Georgia

With the first of two picks Dallas received from Green Bay in the Micah Parsons trade, the Cowboys take a promising tackle. Dallas always has a great O-line. But they still suck. Maybe having a good O-line isn't all it's cracked up to be.

21. Pittsburgh Steelers: Peter Woods - DT - Clemson

Pittsburgh is going to nail this pick, I can feel it. I just don't know if it's going to be Woods or someone else. The draft is being held in Pittsburgh, so this should get a big reaction either way. Also I like Peter Woods as a DT prospect. Clemson D-Lineman always seem to pan out.

22. Los Angeles Chargers: Emmanuel McNeil-Warren - S - Toledo

Probably my favorite prospect in this draft because I'm a sucker for hard-hitting safeties, especially from small schools. Here's to you, Emmanuel McNeil-Warren. Playing for Jim Harbaugh and next to Derwin James is about as good a result as you can ask for.

23. Philadelphia Eagles: Makai Lemon - WR - USC

Nick Sirianni: "When life gives you lemons, you draft him!"

Me: I hate you.

24. Cleveland Browns: Denzel Boston - WR - Washington

Austin... Austin, Massachusetts? You mean Boston, Massachusetts? Yeah, that's what I said...

PS it turns out this is not the son of David Boston. I might change this pick now that I know that.

25. Chicago Bears: TJ Parker - DE - Clemson

I once read something about D-Linemen from Clemson always panning out.

26. New England Patriots: Blake Miller - OT - Clemson

Trade!!! The Bills trade the 26th pick to the Patriots in exchange for picks 31, 125, and 171. With the 26th pick the Patriots select Blake Miller, who can hopefully protect Mike Vrabel from the NY Post leaking any more photos of him cheating on his wife with Dianna Russini.

27. San Franscisco 49ers: Kadyn Proctor - OT - Alabama

The heir apparent to Trent Williams. This man is large.

28. Houston Texans: Caleb Lomu - OT - Utah

The Duke brothers are making a run on offensive tackles. Where's Clarence Beeks!

29. Kansas City Chiefs: Jacob Rodriguez - LB - Texas Tech

I'm making this pick with my heart. Rodriguez deserves to be a first rounder!

30. Miami Dolphins: Chris Bell - WR - Louisville

The Fins need a wideout after losing Waddle and Hill this offseason. My experts are telling me Chris Bell is the man for the job. I also want the record to show that if they take KC Concepcion, they'll be falling victim to one of the classic blunders, like getting into a land war in Asia or going against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

31. Buffalo Bills: Emmaneul Pregnon - OG - Oregon

Bills traded down because 26 was too high to draft Pregnon. But they need a guard. So they take him at 31 and pick up a few extra picks in later rounds along the way.

32. Seattle Seahawks: Jadarian Price - RB - Notre Dame

Replacing Kenneth Walker is not easy. But Jadarian Price has great potential. And not much wear and tear since he shared the backfield with the aforementioned Jeremiyah Love in college.

And that concludes the first round of the 2026 NFL Draft. An interesting one, with four Buckeyes going consecutively in the top 10, two defensive ends from Miami, two running backs from Notre Dame, and several teams picking twice.

Only 364 more days until next year's mock. I gotta toughen up.

BOO YA!