Updated: Jan 14, 2020
yea you got it right. its the championship roster out of all seinfeld episodes. i got for you the starting 5, the bench, the coach and all the marbles in between i may have lost. And if you were expecting something differnent, or for this to logical, well your on the wrong page.
Were using the structure of an NBA team, because were talking jewish here. (basketball). No im kidding its because here at CSB were a family company. And that means were stricly a comedy, sports and/or business blog, and i had to fit this into one of those latter categories because this surely is not comedy. More like the inside of a ravioli (who really cares). But yes I chose the NBA because (jews) no im kidding again, because its way shorter than the NFL or MLB or soccer /i dont understand a thing about hockey with all the centers and faceoffs.. and the only thing i know about wings are in buffalo sauce with a side of blue cheese. Because I got the blues for blue cheese. And i dont care who knows it.
The scale isnt biased nor personal. In fact the only thing personal was me watching every episode and crafting a championship caliber team based on what was out there. Yes I took what was given and schematically schemed a roster fit for anyone to confidently take into game 7. And like i said earlier, if you were expecting anything different, then thats on you.
Introducing Master Pean Pios starting 5 (and the whole team) of Seinfeld episodes.
The 1.) The Point Guard. El Pointo.
The Chinese Restaurant. Season 2 episode 11
Upon crossing this soda, it was all so clear how this was not only my guy, but i really was onto something. After this was made up, everything else just kinda fell into place. But it wasnt easy. I was worried and unsure. Not only is this an earlier episode still looking to find its legs, -- but Kramer doesnt show once. And youd thnk for sure thats the red flag, right? Well no. It was exactly what's right for the point guard of this team. Sacrifices. And who better to understand that than our floor general
Thats the coaching decision in game 7 thatll win us the game.. A move that might not be conventional , but sure as hell necessary. Or is it the other way around?
The Chinese Restaurant is considered the break through episode for Seinfeld and, hillarious enough - prior to being aired, NBC producers were so frustrated by the lack of plotline that they tried bringing in writers.. to which Larry David threatened to quit. "Dont question my artistic integrity". So NBC left it be and it turned out to be one of the most monumental episodes in Seinfelds history.
Which is exactly what you want in the DNA of your point guard. Commitment, Integrity and all the other stuff i said about sacrifice and me not feeling sorry your still reading.
The entire episode happens in a Chinese restaurant. An actual show about nothing. And no, im not thinking Jeremy Lin= point guard. Im thinking:"Cartwright! Cartwright!" and "We Live IN a Society People" - do i must continue layering on the point in point guard?
See here at CSB we have all the confidence in the chinese restaurant getting the job done. We know it wont stray away from the teams DNA, and at the end of the day, it'll leave you saying: "ive totally have been there before" .. Perfect fit. Its relatable. Its our point guard.
28 mins a game
14.7 points 62% fg. 92% free throw
9.3 assists/game. 1.8 rebounds/game. 2.7 steals a game.
the 2. Our Shooting Guard
More likely than not this one should be taking the final shot when the games on the line. But CSB is a team game, a family company. And although our 2 understands theyre no better - nor worse, ... you can bet your ass theyre hitting that final shot.
Introducing your shooting Guard:
Outta Season 5
Wearing Episode 14
The Marine Biologist
Not much else to say here. Its got everything you need from the SG. Its pure. A master of wits, deception, lockdown defense, and all grit no grime. Everyone knows their role. From Jerry perfectly framing this episode by setting George up under a fake career while also convincing Elaine to sing "War what is it good for?" to crazy ol' Testis-kov . Its persistent to its truest form. Its got that exact type of shooters mentality your looking for.
Nothing gets in the way of this episodes focus. Look no further than Kramer tirelessly working on his shot. Let em talk the talk and hit that final shot. The Kill Shot. And you tell me a better, more perfect one liner than:
talk about a hole in one
Sometimes these things just write themselves folks.
26.7 points per game
52% FG 41% from three
5.8 rebounds / 3.5 assists per game / 1.9 steals / .9 blocks a game
On the wing were putting Season 8 episode 19:
The Yada Yada
"those arent matzah balls"
Maybe one of those episodes you gloss over, cause you stupidly think "those arent buoys", and you Yada Yada right past this episode. Or Maybe you want a schtickle of fluoride. Well think again.
Because this is exactly who we want in the corner On the wing Doing the dirty work. Our 3 and D specialist is the Yada.
This episode isnt afraid to get all up in there. From Whatley converting to Judaism for the jokes, to Kramer and Mickey double dating, this episode has what you need from your 3guy. A few tells that this one was our guy, i noticed how George was always finding Jerry...even if its in the confession booth. The exact type of tenacity you need from your 3: Always in the oppositions face.
Then theres the resilience. Who else then Jerry can take a beating at the dentist and still have the wherewithal (where with al? where with you, al?) (sorry, ignore that) have the wherewithal to rip a joke about it being so damn hard to get an appointment? Talk about keeping your head in the game !
And of course i cant keep going without the honorable mention of Elaine doing whatever it takes by dating the adoption agent.
But if none of that means a thing to you - this will.
Anyone on my starting lineup needs to have a short memory and the ability to turn the floor - which is exactly why I love how Kramer here. He never knows the right name of either girls theyre double dating. Yet when Mickey changes his mind - Kramer is easily able and willing to switch bodies. Thats multi dimensional. Versatility.
Just like the name itself, the Yada Yada, is so succinct, it's exactly what you need on your starting lineup. And I live for merlot
25 mins/ game
15.1 ppg. 63% fg 42% from three
7.1 rebounds / 4 assists / .9 steals 1.1 blocks
Our Power Forward for the 2020 Seinfeld seasons gotta be a little more of a wrecking ball. From season 9 episode 3 we have
The Serenity Now
More than being just a locker room guy... more than just a bruiser.. every team needs that
"serenity now.. insanity later" guy
stamp that the team motto, and now youv got yourself a ball game
12.4 ppg 50%fg
9.8 rebounds epr game / 2.1 blocks a game
1 hoochie mama /game
AAaand Your starting Center
weighing in at Season 5
Measuring up to episode 21
Because id rather have no one else other than the Opposite setting the tone out there. When everyones out there in this new era of basketball trying to get an edge.. weve done the exact opposite. Good for the tuna, right?
People can try with the small ball, the long ball, 3ball, furball, herballs,.. And well be just fine with the opposite ball. That means beating you straight up with a truth power bomb to oppositville. And you can take that to the bank and deposit it under "the opposite"
Because no matter what, were walking outta there even stevens. Yeah im going there.
And if you dont believe me than were gonna take it outside and im gonna show you what its like. you understand me?
and if you think im kidding. just try me. just try me.
This guy is our powerhouse. Our spirit animal. Our muse. And well embrace and embody this attitude. Just no Juju fruit .
32 minutes a game
25.8 ppg / 14.2 rebounds / 1.9 blocks / 3.8 assisnts
72% fg 33% from three
the 6th man:
No one else id want than the man who suffers for his work. A pure scorer. Someone filled with passion, who likes coming in with one job and one job only...besides making soup. Yeup you guessed it.
The Soup Nazi. Season 7 episode 6. (guard) No better place for this guy to come on in and get to work. A total wildcard off the bench you dont know if hes hitting you with the 3-bean turkey chili or even deeper from down- mulligaTOWNy. Hell, he may just meet you down low for a little mushrroom 'charles' barley, or split pea your ankles. Even worse. This guys got hops. Throw it anywhere and hes sure to go up and get it for a slam-Jambalaya.
He demands perfection from himself, his team, and his soup. Perfect 6th man off the bench.
27 mins pg
48 %fg 38% from three
3.1 rebounds / 5 assists / 1 steal / .7 blocks a game
2nd rotation - the back ups, but still just as neccesary. This ones probably the 7th on the rotation... but rest assured he has no problems hitting in stride:
The Butter Shave, outta Season 9 episode 1 (forward):
Immediately we see some mustaches (funny). Weve got vegetable lasagna. George and his new job in sports. Kramer buttered up -- which calls for the ulitmate slippery role player off the bench.
5.4 rebounds / 1.8 steals / 1.1 blocks
other role players off the bench
8. Season 8 episode 11: The Little Jerry (forward) can get quality time ~8 minutes and it could be more, if he werent always fouling out. Make no mistake, this Jerry is not little. A master rim protector, with a heart of gold. You may think this guys gonna lay an egg until its sunrise and he catches you off guard. This Little Jerry never gives up the free bucket. But whats really an off the sheet type of metric its the work habit. This guys got a whole lotta attitude despite being so deep on the bench. But dont tell him that. Also dont call him chicken.
how-ever-long-before-he-fouls-out-minutes per game
1 flagarent foul a game / 1.1 block and steal a game
1 tamale a game
9.) Season 9 episode 18 we got out little speedster off the bench. This guys all hustle and all lateral
The Frogger (guard)
Built on the perfect combination of mountain dew and mozerella, good luck gettig your hands on this slippery greasy bastard.
12 mins a game
6.5 ppg / 62%fg / 88% ft
6 assists / 2 steals
10.) Season 8 Episode 8 - The Chicken Roaster (center)
Not much more for this big guy down low. His nicknames also Mr. Marbles. But only his mother calls him that..and its your choice if you want to call him that. But I wouldnt.
10 mins a game
11 rebounds / 3.1 blocks
11guy - this guy never comes off the bench, hes here stricly for post game sheninigans.
season 5 episode 4 The Sniffing Accountant. (guard)
"heres to feeling good all the time"
12 - The Seinfeld Chronicles (forward)
season 1 episode 1
you gotta carry the wisdom with you. whats a team without the savvy vet? think the Malik Rose for this team.
Head Coach: The Strike
Season 9 Episode 10
No one else id rather have than the creative mind of Frank Costanza leading this team with thoughts of festituvs and a staff of grinders working to raise the minimum wage on bagel pay.
You try telling me this team wouldnt crush the knicks. i'll wait
love, good energy, and the pursuit of everything else wasting my time,