I have canceled the Mambo #5 guy

he's done.

Mambo #5? More like Mambo #Metoo


I was unfortunate enough to come across this song a few ago and to listen to it in 2021, where there are more pronouns than profanities (which hardly makes sense because every pronoun is a profanity nowadays) OR proverbs - (seriously lets get it together). OR more pronouns than probabilities of this ever being read.



Back to the basics.

Lou Bega - your can pack your Bega's cause master Pio has officially canceled you.


Lou Bega - time to ditch that winnebega you used on victims 2-4, (pamela,sandra,and rita)


Lou Bega - nothng and no one is gonna save ya




Let's review:

The song starts with his boys picking him up to bring him to the liquor store.

"One, two, three, four, five

Everybody in the car, so come on, let's ride

To the liquor store around the corner"


Going to get drunk? That's fine. Going to get drunk because youre about to commit heinous acts of communication with women... and you know it? well thats another thing.


"I must stay deep because talk is cheap

I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita And as I continue you know they getting sweeter"



...alright good point there, Bega...Guilty! . We've all been there before.

But to then follow with:


"So what can I do? I really beg you, my Lord

To me is flirting it's just like sport, anything fly"


I see a man begging for forgiveness. Using a cryptic confession of sins he's committed AND still may committing.


Because what psycho goes and rips off 7 names like that. This guy is absolutely ruthless:


"A little bit of Monica in my life

A little bit of Erica by my side

A little bit of Rita is all I need

A little bit of Tina is what I see

A little bit of Sandra in the sun

A little bit of Mary all night long

A little bit of Jessica, here I am"


You think I'm overreacting?

Oh I get it.

Because you like the trumpet, you think its okay? The trumpet.


Because to me:


"Jump up and down and move it all around

Shake your head to the sound

Put your hand on the ground

Take one step left and one step right

One to the front and one to the side

Clap your hand once and clap your hands twice

And if it looks like this then you doing it right"

Reads like a textbook play-by-play on how to move in on your victim .



No?

still a Bega loyalist ? You haven't seen enough ?



Well:


"I do, all to, fall in love with a girl like you

'Cause you can't run and you can't hide

You and me gonna touch the sky"


Let me repeat that 2nd line ther:

"you cant run and you cant hide"




Yeah. Someone had to say it. And i guess that someone is me.


Bega is on the lose. warn your family members and loved ones about a guy who acts and thinks he's in the 50's... and if that doesnt play out , he may be pretending to have a family back in Cuba while he lives in Miami and smacks it up about all the best Cuban sandwiches.

AND if neither of those work - tell them to watch out for a Vin Diesel and Kamala Harris mix.


Which begs to bring the next question: has anyone every seen Lou Bega and Kamala Harris in the same room together?


Alright yu found that last part funny. But you're still like "fuck you pio. Youre supposed to be this energy guy. and this Bega guy has all the party vibes. I mean This song was and still is a classic. And Those chicks loved it. Every girl growing up loved hearing her name in Mambo #5. And yea i dont even know what Mambo #5 stands for." (you probably think something stupid like i dont even know who mambo 1-4 are an i dont care!) .. but then you follow it all up with:

"Mambo #5 is a good song. and he's a cool dude who gave this world a hit. your blogs are also really good majority of the time "



My response is this simple.

I'm gonna pretend it was a typo and you meant to say all the time. And as far as this Lou thing goes - i gotta bega the question: Do you really think you have it all figured out? do you think that maybe Lou Bega is full of shit?

Lou Bega is full on German. Yeah. German. And I mean born and raised , grew up , lived and still lives his life in Europe, GERMAN. Like post hitler - I'm an uptight german, german. He went to Miami once and wrote this song.


german for christs sake. acting like a fuckn puerto rican.



Anyways that i still have your attention (for those of you who didnt get absolutely KO'd obliterated by me)


In the song there are these painful "aaaaawwwwueaah" that come in every so often.


Sounds to me like he's got more than just women on his M.O. Sounds like he's got an issue with a parrot or something. Maybe that trumpet, is going right up the parrots ass






The first ever creepy Guy award goes to Lou Bega

And I hope all those women know how brave they are. I also want to know what that sound is .


The trumpet


PIO

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