Ladies and gentlemen, we are back.
Let's start with a quick recap of last week's picks:
(For listening pleasure while reading)
NE -7
BAL -7.5
NYJ +6.5
CAR +3
SEA -1
PHI -6
CHI +2
IND -7.5
GB +2.5
CIN +3
ARZ +7
NO -3.5
LAR +2
PIT -6
Locks: Baltimore, Green Bay, Philly, New Orleans, Pittsburgh
Bold Prediction: Joe Burrow wins his debut giving half of Cincinnati a heart attack and getting the other half pregnant.
Week 1 Record: 9-4-1
Week 1 Locks: 4-1
Week 1 Bold Prediction: Incorrect
Great start to the season. The name of the game is building the bankroll. 4-1 record on locks of the week is how you do it. God bless Lamar Jackson.
This week we'll be looking for more of the same. We have 10 games on the early slate, 3 in the late afternoon, 1 tonight, and 1 tomorrow night. To be perfectly honest, I don't feel all that great about this week's board. Regardless, I woke up this morning and put on my hard hat (Packers jersey), packed my lunch (ate a waffle), and I'm ready to go to work (sit on my couch all day). Without further ado, here are my...
GUN TO THE HEAD, WHO YA GOT? WEEK 2 PICKS:
PHI -1.5
CAR +8.5
DEN +6.5
ATL +3
SF -7
MIA +6
MIN +3.5
DET +6
CHI -5.5
TEN -7.5
ARI -7
BAL -7
KC -8.5
NE +3.5
NO -5.5
Boom. Okay, that's done. Breathing a sigh of relief that I made it all the way through. I already told you I'm not feeling confident about the way the board looks this week. But to borrow a phrase from my blogging partner Master Pio, I strive to be so transparent that my kids don't know my gender. So with that in mind, I had to give you a full board prediction. I'm also going to switch it up from giving you "locks" this week to having a "top 5" picks of the week. Feeling pretty lucky that I chose 5 locks in week 1 to make this possible. I'm already 1-0 today and it's not even noon!
Top 5 of the week: San Francisco, Baltimore, Atlanta, Chicago, Tennessee
Bold Prediction: Frank Gore rushes for over 60 yards and 1+ TDs against his former team and Adam Gase cracks a Grinch-like smile as he prepares to bench Le'Veon Bell indefinitely. San Fran still covers the -7 on defensive scores alone.
Now excuse me while I enjoy the sweet sounds of Frank & Nancy on repeat until my ears bleed.
And for anyone questioning my bold prediction, hear this.
It's not just that Frank was named the outright starter today with every other Jet RB in a coma.
It's not just that Frank the Tank is going to be extra geared up to play against the Niners, a team he spent a decade playing for.
It's this.
Robert Gore, a fellow Goreman and the inventor of Gore-Tex, died this morning. Frank, perhaps unbeknownst to him, is going to be powered by the spirit of Gore-Tex today.
It's Gore-Tex.
