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Naples vs The World

Updated: Nov 25, 2020

Time to Meet the Napolitan summer sweats. the New York Jets and New York Knicks soccer doppelganger

Let me set the mood:

We're in Southern Italy, Naples. Home of the soccer team Napoli and it's degenerations of generations worth of degenerate fans.

Naples, Italy - where the multi- course meal was invented solely for cigarette breaks.

A city that sweats for 1 of 2 reasons. When they see no bread on the table and when Napoli is up a goal four minutes left in stoppage time.

Naples, Italy. The home of Diego Maradona.

And before I get deep here - cause were going into the Napolitan deep end. Just a disclaimeer:

Im not a die-hard soccer fan who pulls up my socks and throws out red cards preaching about a love for the game....

I just dont find soccer stupid . BUT I also dont call it futbol. So theres a difference.

I don’t need a special Cup to watch. I'll watch any soccer game if its on.. It's the best sport to relax to. It's like golf meets the combine meets "fuck you baseball".

So I Don’t need a World Cup, or a Euro Cup, or UEFA cup..

Buuut. while I Dont need other cups; I certainly do appreciate Sydney Leroux cups:

same goes with Alex Morgan and her lack of cups.

And while this ones Probably an unpopular opinion, I'm good without Abby Wombach’s athletic cup.


Anyways back to soccer and what i was saying about enjoying having it on.

Soccer has zero commercials during gameplay and a certain feel to the broadcasting that reminds me of Golf or the NFL combine.

It’s peaceful, relaxing, and easy to nap to.

And because my blood actually comes from Naples Italy, that means there are a few things promised. My blood is (And not included to) tomato sauce, mozzerella, pasta water, and a love for the Naples soccer team: Napoli. (The italian name for Naples Italy is Napoli. Get with the times)

And after my grueling 3 minutes of research I've come to this thesis:

If you hate teams like these: Patriots/Yankees/Lakers/Celtics/Barcelona/the russian hockey team/ Cowboys, etc - then you're gonna love Napoli.

And as a NY Native - my the Jets had Namath, The Knicks had Willis Reed (or Clyde Frazier depending on who your asking), and The Mets had Gary "The Kid" Carter.

Napoli had Diego Maradona

And just like all those winners above : Maradona carried his weight by bringing Napoli their only two Serie A titles and UEFA cup championship.

This dudes center of gravity was at his feet. His control, speed, aggression is unparalled. Like if Shaun Alexander had sex with a shot of espresso. Or Barry Sanders grew up playing soccer and juggling mozzarella. Like a hamster on the wheel - Maradona doesnt half ass it..Shaking off defenders , Rumbling and bumbling his way to the ball like a certain CSB coworker on a typical friday night. They celebrate the same way too.

Anyways. we all have a Joe Namath - but theres a certain twang to the air with Napoli / my teams.

All Franchises peaked ONCE with their franchise player..., yet year in and year out we think "this is the year". It's this painful optimism binding us to hell.

It's all a balancing act. When the Knicks/Jets are down, the Mets are up. When the Jets have a winning record, the Knicks fall out of the lottery. When Napoli beats Juventus, Mike Maccagnan resigns from the jets.

Napoli fans are all of our worse version.. They've lost their shit and it shows

So consider lesson one of your Napoli transition complete.

Because whether youve realized it or not, you've already been cheering for them your entire life. It's a slow time of the year and all weve got are eachother...and NFL mock drafts

Napoli plays Arsenal in the quarter final of the UEFA Cup Thursday at 3pm eastern. Odds have Naples at around +200 moneyline, which I'm definitely going to take.


And ill be honest.. I think we have a chance to win this one

(me to my bookie afte going deeper into the hole below)

Maradona scissor kicking the fuckin tapas off that guy

Good energy



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