Hot Seat: Danica Patrick




I don't want to take attention away from the tragedy of Cedric Benson's death over the weekend. Cedric was a great running back in college at the University of Texas and a great running back in the NFL playing 7 years across the Chicago Bears, Cincinnati Bengals and Green Bay Packers. He had 3 straight 1,000 yard rushing seasons in Cincinnati from 2009-2011 and 33 career touchdowns in the league. I personally remember him more from his college days, where he ran for 5,540 yards and 64 TDs in his four years at Texas. Good enough for the all-time most rushing yards and TDs in Big 12 history. In 2004, his senior year, Benson collected 2,013 yards from scrimmage and 20 TDs en route to a Rose Bowl Championship with Texas finishing up ranked 4th in the nation. RIP Cedric Benson, you will not be forgotten.


But the story I'm here to tell is about someone else. Someone named Danica Patrick, who is undoubtedly filled with fire and fury this morning as she woke up to see this



Who is echirqui, you might ask?


You probably know her better as Sloan.







Yeah, just the hottest chick in the history of a show that had more hot chicks on it than every other show in TV history combined. A golden goddess. Sloan is the dreamgirl of every male between the ages of puberty and death who watched Entourage in the mid 2000s, which essentially is every person on earth. Seriously who hasn't seen Entourage.



Anyway, how do you think ol' Danica feels about this? 3 broken heart emojis? Better make it 4 because Danica has spent at least 30 minutes crying in the shower this morning accepting the fact that she might be able to compete with Dale Earnhardt and Jeff Gordon, but there's no way she can compete with E̶m̶m̶a̶n̶u̶e̶l̶l̶e̶ ̶C̶h̶r̶i̶q̶u̶i̶ Sloan.


However, Danica still brings the heat herself.






In the words of Stuart Scott, BOO YAH!


The real question in all of this is: Which of these dimes gives Aaron Rodgers a better chance of throwing dimes and winning football games this season? Olivia Munn was not the answer. Danica is an athlete (haha jk she drives cars), maybe that tips it in her favor. But, no. Sloan is just too damn hot. I gotta give the nod to Sloan.


Vote for who should Rodgers shmang this season to bring a title back to titletown.


1. Sloan is a born winner

(Boner alert!)


or


2. Danica will fuck Aaron Rodgers into submission and make him win


One certainty I can take away from this. It's good to be King




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