Hey Mr. Sunlight....
Happy Sunday to all the shmucks out there in CSBville. The best day of the week. We're a mere hours away from another edition of American Gladiators NFL Football. Scott Hanson take the wheel.
I want you to enjoy your Sunday to the fullest, not sit around reading blogs. So I'll make today's pick sheet short, sweet, straightforward, and supple. Like a nice solid B cup. Maybe even a strong A. Here's to you, A/B.
Damnit, not that AB.
That's what I'm talking about.
One quick note - did you know that Antonio Brown and JJ Watt played football together in college?
Now you do. Central Michigan Chippewas stand up.
Chippewas, download now! (In my head that is their school slogan).
Alright back to the boobs I mean picks. Here they are:
*Looks at spreads*
*6 of 8 early games have the favorites giving away a TD or more*
*Decides today is the day of the dog*
*again*
Chiefs -7 vs. LIONS (o/u 54.5)
Chiefs offense in a dome? Experts will call for this one to be an easy over pick. Well fuck those guys. I'm tempted to #fade #the #public and go with the under here. Especially with Detroit's improved defense. Ok I've successfully talked myself into it. UNDER 54.5 it is! And maybe a little dog action too.
The picks... Under 54.5, Lions +7
The score... Chiefs 30 Lions 24
Patriots -7 vs. BILLS (o/u 41.5)
I want the Bills so badly in this game. I think everyone with a heart does. But you can't bet with your heart. Believe me, I know from experience (no you don't). Patriots/Chiefs moneyline parlay is probably the safest bet of the week every week. That parlay is -150 this week which is pretty shweet. If you're smart you should probably do this but then you have to root for the Pats.
The smart pick... Pats/Chiefs Moneyline Parlay (-150)
The Klaven special CSB pick... Bills ML +270 (live a little)
The score... Patriots 24 Bills 21
FOR THE BOLD PICK:
Lions ML +295
Bills ML +270
Don't bet the parlay. It's boring. And the bright idea just occurred to me that if that parlay doesn't hit then that means either the Patriots or the Chiefs lose. Provocative. If either of them lose, then that means a +270 or up underdog wins. Ride the lightning and take both dogs in hopes that one pulls it out.
Ok this blog is getting away from me. You just want the picks. I know. Here they are with less fanfare.
THE OTHER PICKS:
Falcons -3.5 (They are due to cover eventually)
Raiders ML +230 (Gruden Grinder. Colts are overrated)
Redskins +3 (Daniel Jones comes back to earth in his home opener and loses)
Baltimore -7 (Lamar takes a steaming pile of poop on Baker's chest. Freddy Kitchens is fired)
Carolina +5 (this line is a trap. Don't fall for it with Houston)
Late Games:
Rams -9 (Stay away from Tampa)
Seahawks/Cardinals Over 48 (Kyler vs. Russ showdown. TDs galore)
Vikings/Bears Under 38 (Under 38. I said it. These defenses will score more points than the offenses)
Jaguars +2.5 (the Fu Minshew hysteria continues)
Night Game:
Cowboys -2.5 (Sorry Teddy, I don't think you have it tonight against the formidable Cowboys)
And above all folks, don't force these bets. Take what you like. Take nothing at all if you have the fortitude to do so. I envy those who can watch football on Sunday without the stress of watching cash burn up in front of you on the back of a missed pass interference call.
I hate my picks. God bless America.