Extra, Extra, Read All About It

Updated: Apr 26, 2021

IT'S TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!!!!!!!!


for CSB to spoil the NFL Draft by announcing the picks one week early. For all the haters of which there are many I say this:



Let the Year of the Rookie QB (again) (again) (again) commence:



1) Jacksonville Jaguars - Trevor Lawrence - QB - Clemson


Urban Meyer didn't come back to coach Gardner Minshew (his loss). No offense to Trevor Lawrence but the way the pundits gawk over his profile I hope this doesn't work out. It is the Jags after all.


2) New York Jets - Justin Fields - QB - Ohio State


It is well documented in the mainstream "media" that the Jets are not taking Fields. I have more faith in Joe D. doing the right thing. Justin Fields is a born leader and winner and would be the equivalent of trading for Deshaun Watson minus the rapes.


3) San Francisco 49ers (via Mia, via Hou) - Zach Wilson - QB - BYU


I think John Lynch and Shanahan assume the Jets will take Wilson and when they don't, Lynch changes course from his original guy and takes Wilson with a smile that will soon turn into a crap in his pants. Wilson is my 2021 Bust of the Year.


4) Atlanta Falcons - TRADE!!!


ATL receives: 17th overall, 48th overall, 2022 1st Rd, 2023 2nd Rd

LV receivers: 4th overall, 183rd overall


4) Las Vegas Raiders - Trey Lance Jr. - QB - NDSU


Jon Gruden gives a final "fuck you" to Derek Carr and Lance steps in as the guy of the future. Bravo, Jon. Falcons walk away with 2 firsts and 2 seconds in exchange for a first and a fifth.


5) Cincinnati Bengals - Penei Sewell - OT - Oregon


How the fuck do you spell Cincinnati. I never get it right the first time with the n's and the t's. The C-word Bengals would be foolish not to jump on arguably the #1 overall prospect in the draft and someone who can protect Joe Burrow's blindside for the next decade.


6) Miami Dolphins (via Phi) - Kyle Pitts - TE - Florida


Kyle Pitts is the first skill position player to go and the Dolphins give Tua another weapon to throw to. Pitts and Mike Gesicki as a TE duo could rival Gronk and Hernand.... nevermind.


7) Detroit Lions - Devonta Smith - WR - Alabama


The Lions lost Kenny Golladay this offseason. They traded Matt Stafford for Jared Goff but with 4 QBs taken already, they welcome the reigning Heisman Trophy winner to their wideout room.


8) Carolina Panthers - Ja'Marr Chase - WR - LSU


You can't tell me that Joe Brady, the 2019 LSU Wide Receivers Coach, and current Panthers Offensive Coordinator making his NFL OC debut, doesn't want to draft Ja'Marr Chase here.


9) Denver Broncos - Micah Parsons - LB - Penn State


Denver needs a guy who can fill Al Wilson's shoes and Micah Parsons is someone who can turn a good defense into an elite defense with his playmaking ability.


10) Dallas Cowboys - Patrick Surtain II - CB - Alabama


I wouldn't be surprised if Surtain goes one pick sooner, but Dallas upgrading their secondary with Surtain or Caleb Farley is what Confucius Say.


11) New York Giants - Christian Barmore - DT - Alabama


This pick would put the Giants right back in 2007 with an elite revolving door of defensive lineman that can get to the passer and disrupt the run. They probably will play it safe with an offensive lineman, though.


12) Philadelphia Eagles (via Mia, via SF) - Jaylen Waddle - WR - Alabama


Eagles make out like bandits trading down and still getting an elite wide receiver that Jalen Hurts is familiar with. The steal of the draft so far.


13) Los Angeles Chargers - Caleb Farley - CB - Va Tech


Chargers get a quality day 1 starter to improve & reload their secondary which has already as of late been atop the league.


14) Minnesota Vikings - Alijah Vera-Tucker - OT/G - USC


I see Vera-Tucker as a guard who the Vikings will force to play RT and he'll underperform for a majority of his career. They need help protecting captain Kirk but I predict AVT will be one of the busts of the first round.


15) New England Patriots - Mac Jones - QB - Alabama


The Emperor gets his heir apparent in Mac Jones without having to move a muscle. The dog calls it in.


Good boy.


16) Arizona Cardinals - Alex Leatherwood - OT - Alabama


Kyler Murray's favorite pick of the draft as the Outland Trophy winner signs up as his body guard against Aaron Donald twice a year.


17) Atlanta Falcons (via LV) - Jaycee Horn - CB - South Carolina


A cornerback some rate as the best in class heads to Atlanta as they get a quality prospect and 3 additional draft picks for their original 4th overall pick.


18) Miami Dolphins - Jaelan Phillips - DE - Miami


Miami scouts have no excuse to miss the hometown defensive end Jaelan Phillips who could become the next Jason Taylor for the Fins #99. Interesting debate between Phillips and college teammate Gregory Rosseau about who the better defensive end is / will be.


19) Washington FT - Rashawn Slater - OT/G - Northwestern


A highly rated offensive lineman who plays all 5 positions well is what good teams are made of. In Fitzpatrick / Heincke, the football team trusts.


20) Chicago Bears - Kellen Mond - QB - Texas A&M


Bears have no choice but to draft a quarterback here and after Ryan Pace fails to trade up because he is a first-class failure they are stuck with Kellen Mond who may become surprisingly good.


21) Indianapolis Colts - Shaun Wade - CB - Ohio State


Not sure how most experts have Wade as a 4th or worse round prospect. I remember him as a guy who made big plays in big games against bigtime talent. The Colts do too. Wade goes in the 1st round.


22) Tennessee Titans - Rashod Bateman - WR - Minnesota


The toughest team to project, I somehow wind up slotting a wide receiver in the first round to replace their last mistake taking a WR in the first round with Corey Davis (no disrespect to Corey Davis but at 5th overall it was a little early). Bateman was a stud at Minnesota, could be deadly with AJ Brown and Derrick Henry on that offense already.


23) New York Jets ( via Sea) - Wyatt Davis - OG - Ohio State


Nick Mangold and D'Brickshaw Ferguson are retired. Wyatt Davis and Mekhi Becton are the future. Jets get two Buckeyes in the first round and their offense turns legit overnight.


24) Pittsburgh Steelers - Trill Williams - CB/S - Syracuse


This pick will probably make no sense to anyone but there always are some picks that don't make much sense to anyone. Trill Williams is a name that people will remember in Pittsburgh when he starts returning interceptions to the house.


25) Jacksonville Jaguars (via LAR) - Christian Darrisaw - OT - Va Tech


For the record I don't think Darrisaw will be around at 25 but in this simulation he is so more power to the Jags for getting someone who can start at RT immediately and help protect Trevor Lawrence.


26) Cleveland Browns - Rondale Moore - WR - Purdue


Rondale Moore is a lean, mean, fightin' machine and he will step into Cleveland as Baker's favorite target before long. Good bye, Odell Beckham Jr.


27) Baltimore Ravens - Trevon Moehrig - S - TCU


Baltimore always finds a way to improve immediately on defense through the draft and they do so again with Moehrig.


28) New Orleans Saints - Najee Harris - RB - Alabama


Saints? Running back? Don't you know they have Alvin Kamara? Yes I know that, fagel. But the two-headed monster of Kamara and Najee Harris is going to take a ton of pressure off of whoever takes over as Drew Brees' successor.


29) 13-time World Champion Green Bay Packers - Landon Dickerson - C/G - Alabama


Packers take the Rimmington Trophy winner as the nation's top center in college and a whole lot of size, intelligence, toughness, and equally dangerous, a history of knee injuries to replace All-Pro Corey Linsley who went to the Chargers in free agency.


30) Buffalo Bills - Travis Etienne - RB - Clemson


Anyone with an o/u 1.5 RBs taken in first round prop bet stops sweating as the Bills improve their backfield with the talented Etienne.


32) Kansas City Chief - Jackson Carman - OT - Clemson


Trevor Lawrence's former LT becomes Patrick Mahomes' future LT. Where. In the world. Is. Camran Sandiegoooo.


32) Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Baron Browning - LB - Ohio State


I love Browning to the Bucs so badly I can't wait until the second round. Browning steps in as a backup/blitzer and takes over with Devin White as Lavonte David rides off into the sunset.


And there you have it. Round 2 Forthcoming.... Maybe.


*I reserve the right to change my mind until Draft Day #VontaeNoMatterWhat

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