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The Mets stay true to their word, going "all-in" by signing Dallas Kuechel and Craig Kimbrell


Mets stay Mets and let two All Star pitchers sign with NL contenders instead of boosting our desperate rotation / bullpen for cheap.

Let's break it down for comparison sake:

Dallas Kuechel - 1 yr $13 mil - Atlanta Braves

Jason Vargas - 2 yr $16 mil - New York Mets

That's right. The Mets are paying Jason Fartgas $5 million dollars less this season than the stupid fuckin Braves are paying Kuechel. One guy won the AL Cy young in 2015 and one guy was the 8th place NL Rookie of the Year in 2005. Basically the same. To put 2005 in perspective, Ryan Howard was the NL ROY and Jeff Francoeur finished 3rd. How fuckin old is Jeff Francoeur? He's definitely coaching little league somewhere. Probably has a couple grand kids. And here we are signing a guy who came up the same year as Jeff to a $16 million dollar deal. Can't blame Brodie for this one because it was a Sandy signing, but fuck the entire Mets front office. And fuck the back office too while we're at it.

Kuechel sneakily has won 4 gold gloves in the last 5 years. Vargas sneakily has won nothing ever except a World Series in 2015 for the Royals against the Mets. Awesome. And we not so sneakily are so cheap and stupid it hurts.

How about Craig Kimbrell? The bow-armed freak who is coming off a season as the closer for the World Series champs. A guy who has five top-10 Cy Young finishes as a reliever and won AL ROY in 2011 (psht, got nothing on 8th place in 2005). What's Kimbrell's career ERA? Glad you asked. 1.91 which is good enough for best of all time among pitchers with 300+ IP. But hey, the Mets pen is in good hands when we spend our money like this:

Kimbrell - 3 yrs $43 mil - Chicago Cubs

Familia - 3 yrs $30 mil - New York Mets

Familia might as well be armless. He might as well be dead. I don't ever want to see him on the mound in a Mets uniform again. He increases Met's fans cumulative blood pressure by a million every time he pitches. The guy can't find the plate for the first three batters every fucking time. And then inevitably gives up a big hit after walking the 7-8-9 hitters.

In 2015 and 2016, Familia was dominant. David Ortiz even came out in 2015 and said that Jeurys Familia had the nastiest stuff in all of baseball. Which was true for a while when he was throwing 98 mph splitters for strikes. But those days are long gone and Familia is now the least reliable man in New York City, making him Bill De Blasio's favorite player. In fact those days were gone/forgotten as soon as he blew 3 SAVES IN THE WORLD SERIES. How the fuck can you sign a guy to a 3yr/$30mil deal after he had the worst world series performance in baseball history. The one time we make it to the big stage, have a legit chance to win a WS, and this guy fucking blows it THREE TIMES in FIVE GAMES. We should have won that series in 5 games, instead we lost in 5. I'm still in therapy. And it's not like his 2016 All Star season was redemption. He gave up a game winning home run in the 2016 Wild Card game against the Giants to... don't want to even type this guys name out... Connor fuckin Gillaspie. No one knows who Connor Gillaspie is except Mets fans. I don't even think Giants fans remember him. A lifetime .251 hitter whose career ended in 2017 at age 29. But he got the best of our guy Jerry. Vamos! Somos Familia!

But I digress. This blog isn't about Familia's woes or Connor fuck you Gillaspie. It's about the Mets failing to make a competitive offer to two of the best pitchers in baseball that would be MASSIVE for this team at a time when our pitching has been downright pathetic. And instead they go to two teams that we would be lucky to be competing with for a playoff spot. Instead we'll be 15 games out of the Wild Card by August and renegotiating contract extensions for our entire front office.

Fuck it. There's one thing Kimbrell and the Cubs can't take away from us.

Danza Kaduro.

And that's what it's like being a Mets fans. Forget ERA, forget K/9, forget wins, saves, holds. We're talkin walk-out songs.

The only thing we truly have is Doug Heffernan. Which, sadly, is enough for me to keep devoting my pathetic life to this franchise.


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