A Mock Amok
Pios disruptive 2020 nfl mock draft. that ran amok
1. Story time. The Bengals and Zac Taylor are (in very Bengals fashion) losing it over the choice between burrow and chase young. And while truth is theyd rather Chase Young..... The truth truth is theyd rather Trevor Lawrence. One of those, if we're doing this, we're going for what we believe is the can't miss goldilock. Also -- why did no one go to Burrows birthday?
Miami edges out the Raiders and Chargers by including 3 1st round picks:
Sending their 5th pick, 152nd, plus BOTH 2021 1st round picks and a 3rd
Cinci includes their 107th
Miami drafts Joe Burrow
And things begin running amok
2. Jon Gruden who get turned on by the madness trades into the 2nd overall pick headlining the trade 2019 4th overall pick Clelin Ferril, Derek Carr, their 12th, 81st, and a 2021 1st and 2nd.
The Redskins send back Trent Williams and the 216th pick.. That 7th round pick? Well thats just the cherry on top for the Raiders to take on who have no picks after the 5th round.
And with the 2nd pick, Jon Gruden takes Tua T to Sin City's bench letting him sit him behind Mariota for a year.
Clelins a match for Riveras horniness for defensive lineman and a good enough decoy for the Derek Carr contract stinker.. after Maxx Crosbys success, Gruden sees it a fitting departure with Clelin.
Previous first round pick LT Kolton Miller is good enough - but there's no harm in the depth of Trent Williams. Plus Gruden might have some other things up his sleeve. It's potential-time as the Raiders arrive in Vegas.
3. Lions immediately get rid of this pick . Chargers send 6th pick, their 37th, and 2021 2nd , 3rd and 6th pick. And if your a nerd whose revisiting the 2018 Jets/Colts trade where the Jets sent identical 1st , 2nd picks + the future 2nd rounder; then youll notice we're out a 2nd round pick here. But the combination of a future 3rd / 6th and the amount of chips Matt Patricia has in his beard is enough. Zoom vid chat is already killing it.
Chargers select Justin Herbert
Im losing control
4. The Giants break the trend and dont trade out. And although they see Young slip to them, they dont bite. cause they prefer the offensive line help for Jones and Saquon.. Consensus best Tristan Wirfs from Iowa
5. Back to the Bengals - on the clock again.
From the corner of the chat you can see Ron Rivera not fucking around, horny as can be. Wanting Chase Young to couple with that D rush.
Although Redskins have the best qualifying offer on the table with both 2021 1st round pick. And although Ron made promises he could sneak back into the top 5.. Or maybe Joe doesnt lie about that $100 bill. Maybe IF the Skins still have Trent... It doesnt matter.
NO MATTER what Cinci declines. Vontae Mack over everything.
Bengals draft Chase Young
and why did no one go to Joes birthday?
6. Lions easily take Jeff Okaduh . Whom Matt always wanted. While celebrating on vid chat he accidentally shows his skid mark to the league : "Drafting from home is the BEST!" a druken roar. .. and although M Patricia couldve gotten more for that pick based off whats going on; for what its worth, hes now got ketchup in his beard and provides the first coach beer chug of the 2020 vid draft
7.Panthers break free from the chains and dont select a Dlineman (biggest surprise of this draft). They go Olineman. Jedrick Willis. For Teddy. My sweet Teddy.
8. Cardinals trade this pick to the Jets as Douglas need his Jason Peters esque guy. Based on how similar their names (2 first names) are - Jets take OLineman Andrew Thomas
(cards recieve 11th pick, 5th round 158 and 2021 2nd) (Jets also get 4th rd 114th pick)
Cards cant refuse the promiscuous late night hours of the 5th round. (they previously had no 5th / kliff kinsberg calls into sex hotlines)
9. Jags draft Derrick Brown
10. Browns trade this pick and the 97th to the Raiders. Raiders select Isaiah Simmons.
Gruden enters the chat and ships Trent Williams, the 19th , 81st and 121st pick to the Browns.
11. Cards are here and stay put. No need for Kliff to Keep Klimbing down the board. He lands the shiftiest puzzle piece for his offense. Speed kills. Henry Ruggs III
12. Everyone welcome the Vikings to the party as the Vikes Fins and Redskins get sloppy and sexual in a three way deal. Fins get skin with the vykes.
The Vikings trade up and get the Redskins 12th pick , along with the Dolphins 39th, and 154th.
SO why do the Dolphins partake in this sweaty deal?
By giving up a 2nd this year and next, they get back into next years first round via Vikings. They get recent signing, Ronald Darby from the Redskins along with pocketing the Skins 2021 3rd round pick + 6th And as for the Redskins, Ron Rivera is taking team rejected hungry players. A classic vetern HC move to avoid the pressure during first couple years. So he wont mind playing pocket pool until year three.
IN this trade the Redskins are walking away with Dalvin Cook, the Vikings 25th pick and a Dolphins 2021 2nd.
All in all by the 12th pick, Rivera is showing off more than the new mustache on video. He's stashed away two 1st's and three 2nd round picks for 2021.
-Miami too has plenty of heat - theyve finagled Joe Burrow AND still have a 1st and 3rd round pick next year. Not to mention depth at corner along with 2 more picks to come in this round.
The Vikings draft Jerry Jeudy
And thats sweet sweet sex
and at this point i wouldnt be surpirsed if the jets trade the giants to the new jersey devils in exchange for Trenton NJ.
13. The SF 49ers trade this pick and the 176th pick to the Broncos who send them the 15th and the 95th pick.
Broncos hippidy hoppidus hop the Bucs who are sneaky suiters in CeeDee Lamb. Broncos take C-D(my laboratory) Lamb.
14. Bucs are glad to play it safe with the largest human being in the world and take Mehkti Becton for Tom Brady. Who will be avoidig the draft due to the magnetic radioactive waves a computer gives off / and because hes an at risk (age) for getting the virus
15. SF 49ers take CJ Henderson
16. Jerry offers the 17th pick, and either the 123rd or a 2021 4th round . The Falcons take the future 4th.
Cowboys take pass rusher KLavon Chaisson. And im furious i cant think of anything pun related for his name
17. Falcons take Bama Javon Kinlaw after swapping spit with the Cowboys . They were glad with either player.
18. Dolphins select Austin Jackson OT
19. Browns got this pick from the Raiders. BUT they switch places with the Philadelphia Eagles (by the time the trades announced, the Browns PR team have released a tik tok "flipped the switch" video with eagles)
The Eagles send their 21st pick, 145th pick, and 2021 2nd + 3rd round pick
And in return the Browns send the 19th overall pick and Odell . Yeh That Odell. Theyll gladly take a 2nd and 3rd after the experiment failed.
The Eagles think they have the culture. Plus a trade up AND get Odell.
Philly uses this pick to take LB Kenneth Murray
20. The Iron Sheik Shahid Khan threatens a camel clutch if nothings done to get them compensation for Ngakoue so the Jaguars trade him and this pick to the Saints.
Even if he doesnt resign with Saints cause of cap - why not pair the a contract yr with the SB run.
Saints send a lot of future juice with their 2021 1st, 3rd, and 6th
And select MLB Patrick Queen LSU
Back to back teams trading up and getting a very functional player. Very nice. Very crazy. I have lost all control
21. Brownies take OT Ezra Cleveland - and have a now and later type build at left tackle. Ezra is a great to have while Trent starts now. Pair all that with the future picks and disagree for all i care.
22. Vikings select CB Noah Ihinfdhj
23. Patriots trade this pick, 100th pick, and 1 nice compliment from Belichick to Patricia Lions send 35th, 149th and a 2021 2nd round pick
Lions select Yetur Gross Matos
24. Saints then flip this pick and the 169th to the Packers
Packers send their 30th and a 2021 3rd round
Packers select OT Isaiah Wilson
25. Redskins select CB Tevon Diggs
26. Dolphins trade this pick and 246th to the Cowboys
Cowboys package their 51st and a 2021 2nd.
Cause theyd refuses to split with any 1st round pick for Jamal Adams.
Jerry takes Bama S Xavier Mckinney
27. Seahawks DE AJ Espiniza
28. Ravens take D'Andre Swift
29. Titans take Josh Jones OT
30. Saints move again
Pair the Jets 48th and 79th pick
Jets take CB Kristian Fulton
31. 49ers trade the 31st pick to the Bears
Bears send 43rd pick, 200th and 2021 3rd round
Bears select QB Jordan Love
32. K.C Chiefs trade this pick and the 177th to the Vikings
Vikings move up by sending: (Dolphins) 39th , 207th , and a 2021 4th
Vikings select RB J.K Dobbins
also this was the chart i used for draft pick values
out of popular demand of getting inside this brain but your too busy boiling your pasta at home - here's the fully aggregated while im aggravated recap of the mock:
TL;DR - Tall List ; Dirty Room. Must Clean
Here goes all my justifitakecions , my sweat - totally marginalized . Hope all my followers out there dont enjoy this and completely disagree
1. Miami - Joe Burrow (Cin GET: 5th, 81st, 152th, 2021 1st round picks (two), 2021 3rd round pick)
2. Raiders - Tua T, Trent Williams, 216th (Redskins GET: Clelin Ferrel, Derek Carr, 12th pick, 81st, 2021 1st and 3rd)
3. Chargers - Justin Herbert (Lions GET: 6th, 37th, 2021 2nd , 3rd and 6th pick)
4. Giant - Tristan Wirfs
5. Cinci - Chase Young (read about it, why did no one go to Joes birthday?)
6. Lions - Jeff Okudah (Matt Patricia's full beer chug at home)
7. Panthers - Jedrick Willis (crazy - not a DLine, right?)
8. Jets - Andrew Thomas, 114th (Cards GET: 11th pick, 5th round 158 and 2021 2nd)
9. Jags - Derrik Brown
10. Raiders - Isaiah Simmons, 97th (Browns GET: Trent Williams , 19th pick, 80th, 121st)
11. Cardinals - Henry Ruggs III
12. Vikings - Jerry Jeudy, Dolphins 39th, 154th (Redskins GET: Vikings 25th, Dalvin Cook, Dolphins 2021 2nd) (Dolphins GET: Vikings 2021 1st, Redskins 2021 3rd, Ronald Darby)
13. Broncos - CeeDee Lamb, 176th (49ers GET: 15th and 96th)
14. Bucs Mekhti Becton
15. 49er- CJ Henderson
16. Cowboys - Klavon Chaisson (Falcons GET: 17th pick, 2021 4th)
17. Falcons - Javon Kinlaw
18 . Dolphin - Austin Jackson
19. Eagles - Kenneth Murray , Odell Beckham JR (Browns GET: 21st pick, 145th pick, and 2021 2nd + 3rd round pick)
20. Saints - Patrick Queen, Yannick Ngakoue (Jags GET: 2021 1st, 3rd, 6th)
21.Browns - Ezra Cleveland
22. Vikings - Noah Iginoghene
23. Lions - Yeter Mator Gross (Pats GET: 35th , 2021 2nd round pick)
24. Packers - Isaiah Wilson (Saints GET: 30th, 2021 3rd round pick)
25. Redskins - Trevon Diggs
26. Cowboys - Xavier Mckinney, 246th (Dolphins GET: 51st, 2021 2nd)
27. Seahawks - AJ Espinosa
28. Ravens - D'Andre Swift
29. Titans - Josh Jones
30. Jets- Kristian Fulton (Saints GET: 48th and 79th pick)
31. Bears - Jordan Love, 2021 6th (49er GET: 43rd pick, and 2021 3rd)
32. Vikings - J.K Dobbins, 177th (Chiefs GET: 39th , 207th , and a 2021 3rd)
why did no one come to my birthday party?